I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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