Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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