We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
