I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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