We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
