I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
