By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
