Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
