If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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