I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
