I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
