Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Text me some of your sweat
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
