I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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