first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
