sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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