So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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