Me. At least after what I've been through.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
