haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
