wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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