Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
