i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just gift wrapped bread.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
