I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
