Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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