Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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