I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
