he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
