I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my being single is dangerous.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
