He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
