It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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