My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
