apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
