my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
