how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
