i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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