My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
