1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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