I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
