I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
