Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
