My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
