My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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