Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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