seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
