i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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