I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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