somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
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i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
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i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.