He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize