big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask