Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.