Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".