does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.