Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
