who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
