it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
