im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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