apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
