you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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