he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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