i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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