You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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