I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
