just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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