glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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