he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
