Will you blow on my dice?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
