READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
