My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
