You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
