when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
