Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
