i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
